Crappy New Year

It has been a day I would much rather forget.

I haven't felt good all day. I woke up with awful heartburn and indigestion and then in the morning my back and legs were hurting. As the day went on my tummy added to the mix and it was very unpleasant. I barely ate, just shared some of Dillon's ramen noodles he ate for lunch and then some goldfish in the evening. I did go get Taco Bell and eat something more like a meal than I had all day.

Now my head is pounding and I am in tears. Dillon has me so frustrated with his back banging. I cannot take his constant need to stim (stim = stimulate) anymore. It had decreased a little bit when he started school but he has been on break for two weeks. By the time he goes back on Tuesday, he will have been out of school for two and half weeks. He stims almost all day, every day, since he has been home.

When he goes to bed, since being on break, he has been stimming more there too. Banging his back against his wall. I yell up to him to stop and lay down because climbing all those stairs is too much for me at almost 31 weeks pregnant. I get out of breath after just a few steps between belly and boobs weighing me down. I keep the baby monitor in his room so I know when he lays down and when he doesn't because I can hear it. I already had a headache from my sinuses and then his banging and yelling up to him made it worse. I finally said enough and went up to his room and he got his butt swatted three good ones. I know he hears me yelling to him and the majority of nights he lays down after a few times I call to him. Tonight, not so much. He just stopped for a few seconds and then kept doing it every time.

I wish I understood why he does it. Why? What does he get from it? I am tired of therapists telling me to "redirect" him because when it is bedtime that answer just won't do. I can't redirect him when he's supposed to be laying in his bed and going to sleep. It just makes me so frustrated because I don't understand it. And I don't get why he's doing it more since being home from school on winter break. 


I do have to state that I know for a fact he does not do this behavior for attention either, in case anyone is thinking that or tries to make that argument. He gets more than enough attention, of all sorts from us. I know for certain it is from his Autism as he has seen plenty of doctors and therapists and I have also done enough research to know what I am talking about.


Of course being hormonal doesn't help either because my emotions run away with me. Sometimes I feel out of my mind for having another baby. It seems some days I can barely handle Dillon and his behaviors, how can I handle that and a newborn? How will I be able to handle it if she ends up having Autism as well? It really scares me sometimes thinking about it, so I try not to. That is always easier said than done though.


I hope everyone started out the new year in a much better way than I got to.